Brother in the Brothel

All you guys (if at all somebody is reading it) must be wondering as to why I should dedicate my first ever blog entry to something as blasphemous as brothels. Well, actually the seemingly dark and dangerous world of prostitution can also throw up hilarious experiences, just as a distant cousin of mine recently found out.

One rainy night, Ravi (name changed on request) moved out of his house with plans of a lusty sexual rendezvous. After all, 25 long years of unwanted and irritating virginity had taken its toll on him. So, here was our man out to explore a new world, a world that would take the real man out of him.

Braving the hostile albeit seductive weather, the Chemistry graduate reached the dark alleys of Shakerpara, the sex trade hotspot of the city. As he entered the lane with rickety concrete shacks on both sides, the braveheart in him suddenly deserted him leaving him absolutely stonemouthed to tackle the onslaught of the the hundreds of pimps and dalals who were all offering him the 'best deal'.

Stammering and sweating profusely as if he was writing an exam, Ravi followed a middle aged woman who somehow (inexplicably though) looked a bit more reasonable than others. He was led into a dark and stinking room with 'two tier' facility. Yeah, the two tiers are very similar to the sleeping arrangement in our railway coaches. Two couples were busy in the act on both the tiers producing sounds Ravi had only heard in porno films.

Though already repenting his decision to come here, Ravi nevertheless tried to put up a brave face and nervously babbled to the pimp to give him a single tier facility and the best girl in store. The woman, in her late forties, who was called 'Mausi' by everyone around stared at him for a few seconds and then started laughing loudly enough to irritate those busy in the 'tiers'.

My cousin was now scared wondering what Mausi was upto. Ruffling his hair gently, the otherwise stern lady told him, "Go son, you are too good for this place. Go home and drink milk".

Not able to hide his embarrassment, Ravi tried to regain his composure and said "No no, I am very capable. I am sure I will be good enough" as if he was putting his CV forward to a prospective employer.

The answer that he got in return was enough for him to swear that he wouldnt visit a brothel again in his life. "Jata hai ya main apne ladko ko bulaun" shouted the Mausi in her shrill voice. Ravi ran for his life cursing himself for the misadventure.

Its been two years since that fateful night and Ravi continues to be a virgin. Almost everyday he tells me , "Even the prostitutes rejected me. Where do I go now".